She said her name was "party"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
