Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
