i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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