i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
