i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
