Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
