I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
