i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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