Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
