U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
