i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
