I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
