my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We need a shit load of segways right now
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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