I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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