He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
