I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
