Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
