Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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