listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Randomize
