If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
