What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
