So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize