I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
