You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
