Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
