it hurts more in the daytime
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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