Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
