sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
