all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
