On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
