you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
