May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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