May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
