So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Someone came in the potted fern
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
be right there i have to get my cape
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
