My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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