Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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