you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
