She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
