I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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