I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
