dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
