Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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