He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
