i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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