Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
