I faked an abortion last night.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
