Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
