Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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