the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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