I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize