I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
