Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I forgot wine drunk hurts
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
