YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
