Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
