Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
