Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
