Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
