On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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