we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
