I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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