A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
