I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
