My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
