Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Randomize
