I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
