So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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