Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
