is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
