dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
