Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
