Come see our sink grown plant.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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