I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
